wandersong, webfishing, & wasps (november 14, 2024)

got quite a hefty entry in store today. i've had a lot of things to think about.

over the past week and a bit i've been playing a lot of wandersong. (speaking of, you should check it out. i think it's on sale at the minute? definitely play it if you think you'd like it.) emotionally resonant games that are challenging but not too difficult are my jam. i also unlocked the developer's commentary last week, and it made me really happy. the game has been out for six years, but it still gets to surprise new people, and something about that makes me feel really nice.

it's also just a real shining star of a game. i've been feeling real cruddy over the last many weeks, but going back and remembering how much wandersong rocks made me feel a bit better. miriam is my favorite character, but the bard isn't too far behind. their friendship is such a special part of the game. i love friendship

i've also been playing webfishing, as in i was playing it just this morning. i liked the look of it, i like fishing minigames, and i've been wanting to play more online multiplayer games in general, so i bought it last week and i've been having a ball. it's nice to just hang out and chat with people over some good old virtual fishin while i'm eating a dinner. Daltonic if you're out there. you were an excellent fishing buddy

the weather's been getting colder and wetter, so bugs keep trying to get into my house. three days in a row, like clockwork, a wasp has gotten in and scared the hell out of me and my brother. Void and Spooky have been excellent mousers, except for the fact that i have to kill the bug for them because they want to keep playing with it. it's nice that they're having fun, but it's not really conducive to not having wasps flying around scaring the crap out of everyone. i haven't seen another wasp today, but if i do i'm gonna laugh.

i'm thinking i wanna retool this page a bit soon. nothing too dramatic (i still have to do all the other stuff i wanna do with the rest of the site), but i really like the look of webfishing's crunchy PNGs that they use for the fish. i wanna have something like that on my site, and maybe adjust the fonts and colors. i dunno. this page'll probably be used as a guinea pig for these ideas i'm having.

Bedrooms, Bathrooms, Backyards (october 7, 2024)

there's a fellow on YouTube who goes by Possum Pirate, and i really like his music. he has an audience of a couple hundred subscribers, and it was mostly pure dumb luck that i stumbled upon his stuff, so i'm really happy that i did find it. it kinda reminds me of what i talked about on my page about the Living Gnome Saga, about how you can make art for the sake of having fun doing it, and odds are, eventually it'll reach someone who really resonates with it.

he released an album today, which was a pleasant surprise for me. already, i've listened to it three times while i've been doing chores today. might even shoot for a fourth, i've still got plenty of laundry to do.

my guitar-learning journey has been in limbo for a long long time, but it'd be good to properly pick it up again so i can learn to play these songs. could be good for me. it also fills me with hope as a creative myself, because if one day my art can make someone happy the way Possum Pirate's music makes me happy, that would just be wonderful.

thoughts on being a new adult (august 7, 2024)

it's been a lil bit since i last made a blog entry. but don't feel too left out! journal entries have been spotty lately too.

i felt particularly motivated to write today because i had to call my bank for the first time, and it made me think. i have to do these things now because i am a full-fledged adult, somehow. it's stressful and very new to me, but it also feels pretty good to finally be taking things like this into my own hands.

in the last year or two of my high school career, i started really looking forward to not having to be in high school anymore. in those days, it felt like there wasn't any happiness to be found anywhere; school work was hardly ever fulfilling, i hated walking up and down stairs with a heavy backpack, and even weekends and breaks were colored with the feeling that i could be doing something productive right now, but i wasn't because i was too tired. even when i had a whole summer to myself, i never did the things i said i wanted to do with all that time. i could hardly get myself to do anything more than scroll the wretched devices. i fell into that again these last couple of months, which is why updates have become so sparse.

but today, when i had to call the bank, it reminded me of that feeling i'd get earlier this year when i'd daydream about being a full-fledged, capable adult. thinking about how if something needs doing, i'd be able to just do it.

i think it also has something to do with me wanting to know who i am. it might be clear from the no less than three redesigns and renovations this website has undergone in the last six month alone, but i'm not so comfortable in my own self yet. before i settled on Chavez, i cycled through at least a dozen online aliases, because after a while it'd start to feel like i'd outgrown them. an online presence gives me far too much freedom to shapeshift as much as i want, and after years of doing that, i started to feel lost and rootless. even offline, i never really figured out who i was supposed to be because i never really talked to anyone.

i chose Chavez as my name here because it's personal to me - it's a family nickname. if nothing else, that's something that can really belong to me. i can tell you, after a long long time of not knowing who i was supposed to be, having something that well and truly belongs to me feels really good.

the idea that some day soon i'll be a capable adult who knows who she is and what she wants to do is really exciting to me. making that call today reminded me of that.

it's weird how we only really talk about how growing up is gonna suck. like, everyone knows that growing up sucks, what with the everything about it, especially nowadays, but it can also be pretty good. it's nice to finally be getting to know the person i'm becoming.

chavez awake. again (june 18, 2024)

i think what this site needs is another renovation. i love renovating.

this time i wanna try really dismantling the pages and building back up from scratch (for the most part). i want to try for a more web 1.0 sort of look for the site. i want to use a bunch of buttons and blinkies and marquees and whatever else. they look like a lot of fun. the whole point of this site is for me to have fun.

i also want to rehaul my CSS. it's a bit of a mess at the minute. i was trying to go for a sort of "level" system where the CSS would change depending on how "close" you are to the landing page, which isn't a bad idea, but i don't think it's working the way i want it to. i can always repurpose that idea idk. i'd also like to try out using javascript, but that kinda scares me. we'll see when we see, i suppose.

and i really need to reiterate to myself that i'm doing this to make myself happy first and foremost. i get caught up in looking at the site traffic stats and activate latent content creator instincts or something. it's counterinuitive.

i'd really like to add more stuff about my OCs and other things i like to the site. i'm thinking about rewriting the gnome page, if only to be able to write about the gnome again. maybe that'll get me up and ready to work on the other rambles that have been gathering digital dust for a while.

chavez awake (june 1, 2024)

i really didn't mean to leave this site alone for so long. it's been a weird couple of weeks. mostly just in my own head, but there's also been life stuff keeping me from website work. y'all get it.

but i miss doing website work!! i love to click the keys and make the webbed pages. i've just been low on inspiration as of lately. it's also why i've fallen behind on the Muse Ariadne prompts. speaking of them, i also want to try writing things other than introspective pieces. i'd like to write short stories as well and maybe dabble in proper poetry. writing's just been really hard as of late. just you wait though, once i get back into the swing of it i'll be a writing machine.

but for some good news, my computer corner was rearranged a bit and now it's a bit more conducive to focusing on work, which is awesome for me. big changes in recent weeks. it's a little weird; change has always been a little weird for me, but it hasn't been altogether unpleasant lately. that's pretty good.

bug i saw last night (may 12, 2024)

last night i saw a green lacewing on my wall and i stared at it for ten minutes. it was such a mesmerizing little critter, because its little antennae kept moving around and it had iridescent little wings. i had to put it outside because if it stayed inside one of the cats would've killed it, so i coaxed it onto a paper towel and put it on the back porch. while i was doing that i had to keep one of the pendejitos from attacking the bug. parrying his attacks with one hand and pushing the paper towel towards the bug with the other. i was saying out loud to it "get on the paper towel if you want to live!!" and it did, eventually. what a cool bug.

renovation... the sequel! plus explanation (april 18, 2024)

this'll probably be the first page i officially put back up. i don't see much that needs changing here, except maybe the colors. we shall see.

in the meantime, this here's a blog entry to sorta explain what's going on behind the scenes for anybody who'd like to know! the short version is that i'm renovating the entire site again. the long version is that i'm having a lot of trouble deciding what i want this website to be like. to my mind, the website looks a little plain, but i know this is only because i'm the one who made it. that's just what being a creative is like. y'all get it.

but at the same time, what does it matter if it looks a little plain? the website is, first and foremost, for me. but also at the same time, people can and do see this website, and i care about having my work be presentable when people can see it, and this line of thinking can turn into stressing about it being presentable enough.

it's also affected my writing for muse ariadne, i feel. i've subconciously applied the way i think about school assignments to the writing prompts, and i feel like it's made for not-very-good pieces.

i don't want to waffle on about The Miseries, but i felt like i oughta let people who wanna know know what's been going on backstage. ain't nothing that can't be repaired, so don't worry none. most of the issue is just me worrying too much LOL.

this entry is also just as much for me as is it for all of y'all. this is not a school assignment chavez. relax. get silly with it

i want to create cool stuff (april 5, 2024)

do any of you ever feel the need to just create? like just really make something and be proud of it. i'm under attack by this feeling at the minute.

i don't really know, i just want to make stuff. cool little trinkets. i want to embroider again. i want to figure out how to make pins and give them to my friends as gifts.

it's just been hard because i can't find a good place to focus and work. so i'm just in a constant state of internally flailing my arms around because i really want to create but i can't. it's kinda sucks :[

i'm not sure how coherent this is, but it's honest. been a weird week. been a lot of weird weeks.

spring is springign! (march 21, 2024)

oh boy it's spring! it's mosquitos as hell outside.

i redid the front page a couple weeks ago, and that little spark of work done gave me a bunch of motivation to keep working on the website. so far i've been building new pages that aren't ready yet, and if you've had a peek at them you've seen how not ready they are. but i promise promise promise they'll be real cool when they are ready.

somehow i've gotten six followers on Neocities! it's very cool, but it's also a little nerve-wracking. i've never really liked showing off unfinished work, or showing off my work at all, so having an audience, however small, is very new to me. i'll deal, though. i'm very glad y'all like my webbed site :]

i think i'll focus on getting the gallery page ready to be shown off. i wanna try out still life drawings and that'll be a good place to put 'em.

a very late entry (february 27, 2024)

oooOOAAAGH. i am alive

it's been a bit. my thoughts have been a little all over the place as of late and it's been hard to sit down and sort em out. but i do have some things i do wanna say today.

i've been playing Minecraft recently and having a pretty good time. i forgot how fun it could be! i've spent lots of Minecraft days fishing and it's a good thing to do to clear my head. no thoughts just fish

i've also joined Muse Ariadne! i wasn't sure at first because i haven't properly written anything in a while, but last week i decided "screw it, we ball" and started building my page for it. the css isn't done, but i'm very happy with the graphic i drew for it. i thought it was clever, since the red ball of yarn sort of symbolizes the writing club. why not have the Chavez playing with the ball of yarn? it's perfect.

school's been not very good. i start doing better in one class and go into a tailspin in another. it is what it is, but i'd like for it to be something else.

i've started listening to The Magnus Archives recently as well, about when The Magnus Protocol came out. i'd heard very good things about it, and as it turns out, listening to a podcast is a great way to focus on math work and painting. who'd've thunk it? i really like it so far! i'm about halfway through season two now.

i think that's about all i have today. it feels good to make another post here. i'm still working on that big project i mentioned a couple posts ago, by the way. it's almost done, i'm just nervous about fully publishing it.

void and spooky!!! (february 11, 2024)

we got two new kittens yesterday and their names are void and spooky! they're little hooligans and i love them so much

it's a bit strange being around three-month-old kittens when i've only had the company of senior cats for a while now, but it is an absolute treat watching them jump and play.

it'll probably be a while before our older cats warm up to them though. gizmo in particular is not a fan of them, and she growls whenever they're near her. overall though, they've been good.

shorter entry this week. i keep not having my thoughts in order and that makes it hard to write entries.

the puppetry entry (february 5, 2024)

aw hell has it been another week already? man

sorry this entry was a little late, i haven't gotten into the habit of working on the website when i'm home. completely forgot about making a new post until last night.

but i actually have something to talk about this week! i checked out a book from my high school library last week, and it's basically a collection of quotes from jim henson, his works, and the people he worked with. i blasted through it in about an hour, and i liked it a lot.

i've found myself really liking jim henson stuff, as well as just puppetry stuff as a whole lately. it started when the dhmis tv show released in late 2022, and it lay dormant for a long time until one particular wednesday morning last year when i decided puppetry would be my obsession for the week.

i've been wanting to get back into making youtube videos for a while now, as i was an amateur source filmmaker animator for a little while when i was younger. for as long as i've been wanting to get back into it, i've been wondering what kind of content i'd want to make now that i'm older and more capable. one day i had puppetry on the brain as i was thinking about it, and i had a brain blast: i could make videos with puppets. i was super excited when i had the idea, but i also had to calm down and remind myself that i don't have the time, funds, or space to just start making puppets, let alone puppet videos, so that idea's shelved for now.

but just because i can't do it right now does not stop me from brainstorming about it. at first i wanted to make videos where i would talk about my thoughts with a puppet of my (then) mascot, because before that, i wanted to make videos like that but with an animated version of my mascot. (animation proved to be very frustrating, and my eyes would get watery staring at my computer screen for so long.) and honestly, that's still a good idea. it's not off the table by any means, but i had a better idea.

see, reading the book i got from the library made me think about the lasting legacy i would want to leave. there's a quote in that book somewhere about how someone using their life to make the world a bit better than it was before is a pretty good life, and that resonated with me. so i decided that whatever i make with puppets in the future, whenever it might be, i want to make something honest and nice.

i could make a page on this site about my aspirations and half-formed plans for what i want to make, so i'll probably leave all the talk about it for that. anyhoo, sorry for the late entry. i hope you liked this one.

entry 2: electric boogaloo (january 28, 2024)

i'm munching on some strawberries as i write this. they're very yummy.

this has been a bit of a weird week. it started off real bad for me because i didn't know what to do for the website and combined with some school-related stress, it just wasn't a good time. but it passed and i reformatted the homepage a bit, which i was proud of. i didn't like how it just looked like a document before.

i've also been a very busy beaver working on something else, which i'll be ready to present quite soon, i think. i'd like to get some drawings ready for it as well as have someone proofread it, but once that's done, it'll be ready and i'll put a link to it on the homepage. i'm very excited for that because i've been working on it for weeks.

i've also been socializing a bit more than usual, which is a win for me. i like talking, but i'm not as good at listening. i think i'm getting better about that, though. i hope so, at least.

i also woke up this morning thinking it was monday, but then i realized it wasn't and i was so happy.

entry numero uno (january 23, 2024)

gonna cast aside the professional demeanor here. uhhhh this is the blog! doing an early entry this tuesday in order to get this thing up n running.

i originally (as of yesterday) wanted to wait until i had the layout of the blog perfected before i actually started posting in it, but i realized (as of about an hour ago) that if i kept waiting i'd never get started, so now here's the blog! it is! sure something!

there's a lot of cleanup i need to do on this page, and on the entire website in fact, but i'll get around to it. as of now, i wanna focus on just putting stuff on the website and then polish it.